Christmas Monkeys: Top 5 Presents I Got

It was Christmas morning and I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My head was pounding and my mouth felt like sandpaper. I tried to sit up, but the room was spinning. That’s when I realized I was surrounded by Christmas monkeys.

I have no idea how they got there, but there were at least a dozen of them, all chattering and swinging from the rafters. I groggily stumbled out of bed, trying to shake off the fog in my brain.

But then something strange happened. As I stumbled around the room, the monkeys started to hand me presents. And not just any presents – these were the quirkiest, most unique gifts I had ever received.

A banana-shaped lamp that played “Jingle Bells” when you turned it on.

As I turned on the banana-shaped lamp, I expected to hear the familiar sound of “Jingle Bells” emanating from it. But what happened next was something I could never have anticipated.

As the notes of the song began to play, the monkeys in the room all started to dance. They swung from the rafters, jumped on the bed, and even started to sing along. The lamp itself seemed to pulse with the music, glowing bright yellow as the monkeys danced around it.

But it didn’t stop there. As the song continued, I suddenly found myself transported to a magical land filled with glittering snow and twinkling lights. I was standing on a stage, surrounded by a cheering crowd of monkeys, all of them dancing along to the music.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like something out of a dream. And as the song came to an end, I found myself back in my bedroom, surrounded by a group of grinning monkeys and still reeling from the incredible experience.

I knew that this was one Christmas present I would never forget.

A set of monkey-sized overalls with “Merry Christmas” embroidered on the front.

A set of monkey-sized overalls with "Merry Christmas" embroidered on the front.
DALL·E 2

As I pulled on the monkey-sized overalls with “Merry Christmas” embroidered on the front, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. I mean, who in their right mind would have thought to give a person monkey-sized overalls as a gift?

But as I looked in the mirror, I have to admit that I felt a sense of joy and whimsy wash over me. The overalls were just so darn cute and the embroidered message was the perfect touch.

I couldn’t resist the urge to strike a pose, pretending that I was a monkey working on a farm. As I posed and preened in front of the mirror, the monkeys in the room all started to cheer and clap.

It was a moment of pure joy and levity, and one that I would always remember with a smile.

A hand-painted ceramic mug with a picture of a Christmas monkey riding a unicycle on it.

A hand-painted ceramic mug with a picture of a monkey riding a unicycle on it.
DALL·E 2

As I picked up the hand-painted ceramic mug with a picture of a monkey riding a unicycle on it, one of the monkeys in the room let out a whistle of appreciation.

“Nice mug, human!” the monkey exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted to ride a unicycle, but I can’t seem to get the hang of it. Maybe I should just stick to mug collecting instead.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the monkey’s comment. It was such a silly and unexpected thing to say, but it brought a smile to my face all the same.

As I lifted the mug to my lips and took a sip, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for the joy and whimsy that the monkeys had brought into my life. It was a Christmas morning that I would never forget.

A stuffed Christmas monkey toy that doubled as a hot water bottle.

As I picked up the stuffed monkey toy that doubled as a hot water bottle, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit confused. I mean, who in their right mind would give someone a stuffed monkey toy that doubled as a hot water bottle?

But then I saw the glint in the monkey’s eyes and I realized what was going on. I had a feeling that this wasn’t just any old hot water bottle.

So, with a sense of curiosity and a bit of a slur in my speech (thanks to the hangover), I lifted the monkey toy to my lips and took a sip. And that’s when things got really interesting.

As it turns out, the stuffed monkey toy was actually filled with straight vodka. And as the fiery liquid burned its way down my throat, I felt a warmth and a sense of joy wash over me.

I couldn’t believe my luck. I mean, who wouldn’t want to start their Christmas morning with a shot of vodka from a stuffed monkey toy? It was ridiculous and absurd, but it was also the perfect way to kick off a day filled with joy and laughter.

A set of monkey-sized drumsticks and a tiny drum set.

A set of monkey-sized drumsticks and a tiny drum set.
DALL·E 2

As I picked up the set of monkey-sized drumsticks and the tiny drum set, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement wash over me. I had always wanted to learn how to play the drums, and now it seemed like I was going to get my chance.

But as I began to drum out a simple beat, I was interrupted by a sudden burst of activity. Three monkeys, all dressed in tiny drummer outfits, jumped onto the drum set and began to play like lunatics.

They pounded on the drums with a ferocity that I had never seen before, leaping and jumping around the room like lunatics. The sound was incredible, a cacophony of rhythm and energy that filled the room.

As I watched in amazement, the monkeys played a dramatic finale, jumping and spinning around the room in a frenzy of drumming and laughter. It was a moment of pure joy and excitement, and one that I would always remember with a smile.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, hungover and surrounded by monkeys, receiving the most bizarre Christmas presents I had ever seen. But as I looked at the joy on their faces, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of joy myself.

Despite the hangover, I was filled with a sense of wonder and excitement. I knew that this was going to be a Christmas I would never forget. And as I sat surrounded by monkeys, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for the joy they had brought into my life for Christmas.

Eggnog, by Elfie the Eggnog Making Monkey

My name is Elfie and I am going to teach you how to make Eggnog. I’m also an elf who is convinced that I am actually a monkey. I know, it’s a strange situation, but let me explain. You see, I have always felt like a mischievous, fun-loving monkey at heart, but unfortunately, I was born with the appearance of an elf. It can be quite confusing at times, especially when I try to describe how I feel versus how I look.

Monkey & Elf
Eggnog Making Monkey & Elf – DALL·E 2

But enough about my identity crisis – let’s talk about something much more important: eggnog. I absolutely adore this creamy, spiced holiday drink and I can’t wait to share my secret recipe with you. Trust me when I say that this eggnog is the tastiest you’ll ever have. Whether you’re an elf, a monkey, or something else entirely, I guarantee that you’ll fall in love with its rich, festive flavor. So grab a mug and let’s get sipping!

Eggnog
Eggnog – DALL·E 2

Eggnog recipe

Ingredients:

  • 4 egg yolks
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg, plus more for serving
  • 1/3 cup brandy
  • 1/3 cup rum
  • 1/3 cup whiskey

Instructions for eggnog:

  1. In a medium saucepan, whisk together the egg yolks and sugar until well combined.
  2. Add the milk, cream, vanilla extract, and nutmeg to the saucepan and place over medium heat. Cook, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon. This should take about 10-12 minutes.
  3. Remove the saucepan from the heat and stir in the brandy, rum, or whiskey, if using.
  4. Strain the mixture through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl or pitcher and let cool to room temperature.
  5. Cover and refrigerate the eggnog until chilled, at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.
  6. When ready to serve, give the eggnog a good stir and pour into glasses. Grate a little extra nutmeg over the top of each serving, if desired. Enjoy!

Marilyn Monroe & Heston: A Degustation Dinner with a Monkey

Heston Blumenthal
Heston Blumenthal

As a monkey, I must admit that I am not a fan of food in general. I much prefer to munch on my tail or a nice piece of fruit. However, when I was invited to a degustation dinner with Heston Blumenthal and Marilyn Monroe, I knew I had to put on my best behavior and try to enjoy the food.

To my surprise, the food was actually quite revolting. Each dish seemed to be more complicated and bizarre than the last. Foams, gels, and powders were abound, and I found myself struggling to even identify what I was eating.

Despite my distaste for the food, I did my best to remain polite and not offend Heston or Marilyn. However, I couldn’t help but nibble on my tail throughout the evening in an attempt to find some sort of comfort.

Marilyn Monroe loves tail too

Marilyn Monroe must have noticed my peculiar behaviour, as she asked me if she could try a bite of my tail. I was caught off guard and wasn’t sure how to respond. In the end, I decided it was best to decline her offer and simply smile and nod.

Overall, the degustation dinner was a difficult experience for me. While Heston’s culinary creations may be impressive to some, they were definitely not to my taste. I was relieved when the evening came to an end and I could finally go home and nibble on something a bit more familiar.

After the degustation dinner came to an end, Marilyn and I decided to unwind with a bottle of wine. We found a cozy spot at the bar and settled in for a relaxing evening. As we sipped our wine, a handsome, bushy-eyed pilot appeared and sat down next to us.

Pilot is absolutely disgusted

Unfortunately, it seemed that the pilot had overheard my less-than-positive thoughts about the food and was disgusted by my opinions. He seemed to take Heston’s culinary creations quite seriously and was not pleased that I did not share his appreciation for them.

Despite the pilot’s disappointment in my tastes, Marilyn and I continued to enjoy our wine and each other’s company. It was a pleasant evening overall, even if the food was not to my liking.

As the night went on, Marilyn and I continued to chat and laugh over our bottle of wine. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, and I found myself feeling more and more at ease in her presence.

And then Marilyn Monroe made my heart flutter

At some point, I must have said something particularly amusing, because Marilyn leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I was completely taken aback by the gesture and couldn’t help but blush.

Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe – Photo by MARIOLA GROBELSKA on Unsplash

Despite my initial surprise, I found myself enjoying the moment and relishing the feeling of Marilyn’s lips on my skin. It was a truly unforgettable experience, and one that I will always treasure.

As the night went on, I found myself getting more and more excited. The wine had definitely gone to my head, and I was starting to feel like I could take on the world.

Just like in a fairytale

In a sudden burst of energy, I stood up and declared that I was no longer a mere monkey – I had transformed into a handsome and drunk pilot!

Marilyn Monroe looked at me with a mix of surprise and amusement, and I could tell that she was having a hard time stifling a laugh. Undeterred, I strutted around the bar, trying to strike my best pilot pose.

I’m not sure if it was the wine or the company, but I felt completely invincible at that moment. It was a truly unforgettable evening, and one that I will always look back on with fondness.