Drunk Pilot

I know what you’re thinking – “Why on earth would anyone do 20,000 jumping jacks every day for a month?!” Well, let me tell you, it’s been quite the journey.

It all started when I saw an Instagram post claiming that doing 20,000 jumping jacks every day for 30 days would give you “abs of steel” and “explosive cardiovascular endurance.” I mean, who wouldn’t want that? So, I decided to give it a try.

The first few days were a breeze. I mean, how hard could it be to do a few hundred jumping jacks, right? WRONG. By day five, my legs were shaking and my arms felt like Jell-O. But I was determined to see this through.

What Happens If I Do Jumping Jacks Everyday?

It was time-consuming.

Although, I could mix it with my flying, it certainly got in the way of my drinking. Here’s a snippet from a flight I had to do from Moscow to Shanghai and back.

“I just wanted to let you know that we will be experiencing some slight turbulence during our flight, so I am going to perform 20,000 jumping jacks to stabilize the plane. No need to worry, this is a routine procedure that I do every time I fly. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. And maybe grab a drink or two to take the edge off.

Now, where was I? Oh right, the jumping jacks. Alright, here we go. One, two, three, four… man, this is going to take a while. But I’m committed. I’ve got to get these abs of steel and explosive cardiovascular endurance. Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine… my legs are starting to feel like spaghetti. But I can’t stop now. I’m almost at the halfway point. Ten thousand, nine hundred ninety-seven, ten thousand, nine hundred ninety-eight, ten thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine, eleven thousand!

Ok, we’re halfway there. Just another 9,000 out of 20,000 jumping jacks to go. Deep breaths. Twenty-two thousand, three hundred forty-six, twenty-two thousand, three hundred forty-seven… I can’t feel my arms anymore. But I won’t give up. I’ve come too far. Thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-seven, thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-eight, thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine, forty thousand…”

One of the biggest challenges was loneliness

As the days went on, things only got worse. My copilot started giving me strange looks as I did jumping jacks in the cockpit (I had to fit them in wherever I could). My friends avoided inviting me to social events because they knew I’d be too busy doing jumping jacks to have a good time. And don’t even get me started on the sweat. I was a human waterfall.

But despite all the struggles, I persevered. And on day 30, I finally reached my goal of 20,000 jumping jacks. Did I have abs of steel and explosive cardiovascular endurance? No, not really. In fact, I’m pretty sure I gained weight from all the celebratory ice cream and pizza I ate to reward myself for my accomplishment.

So, the moral of the story? Don’t believe everything you see on Instagram, folks. Unless you really want to spend a month doing 20,000 jumping jacks a day, in which case, go for it.

Happy jumping!

From the Desk of a Pilot’s Smokin’ Hot Wife: The Jumping Jack Jeopardy

Benefits of Jumping Jacks

Darling, I saw my pilot hubby give it a go, and while he might’ve made some questionable airborne decisions, I’ve done a little reading myself. For those a bit more grounded, let’s discuss why exercises like jumping jacks might actually be your gateway to wellness!

Jumping Jacks Burn vs. Great Food

So, my hubby gobbled down ice cream and pizza post-jump. But did you know? The intensity workout from 100 jumping jacks can burn a surprising number of calories. Not enough to down a pizza every day, mind you, but it’s a start.

Full Body Workout and the Calorie Myth

Sure, jumping jacks require your full commitment – it’s a full body workout. You think you can sneak in a few short bursts and get those dreamy results? Think again. It’s about consistency and really feeling that burn. And no, darling, feeling hot after eating a jalapeño pepper doesn’t count.

Strength Training and the Jumping Jack Jive

Jumping jacks alone won’t give you biceps like Thor or glutes like Captain America. Mixing it up with some weight lifting? Now that’s the ticket to getting both cardiovascular health and muscles that can actually open that stubborn jar of pickles.

Heart Rate, Blood Pressure, and the Jump Rump

The high intensity of this exercise surely spikes up your heart rate. As for the blood pressure, mine definitely rises when my beloved decides to do his regimen mid-flight. But for you, it can be a controlled and effective way to get that heart pumping.

Lose Weight, Not Your Mind

Let’s be real – weight loss is more than just how many jumping jacks burn those pesky calories. It’s about commitment, balanced diet, and not using every accomplishment as an excuse to have a feast! A tip from me? Try rewarding yourself with something other than food. Like, say, a gorgeous pair of heels?

In Conclusion: Jump, but Stay Grounded

Jumping jacks? Great for a quick sweat. But remember, it’s about the journey, not just the calorie burn. So next time you think about joining a challenge from the depths of Instagram, maybe consult someone who’s done it—like my dear husband. Or, you know, an actual fitness expert.

Stay fabulous and keep jumping (sensibly)! 💋

Waking up abruptly, the decision was made to make a change. I had heard about this thing called a “dopamine fast,” where you abstain from all pleasurable activities for a set period of time in order to reset your brain’s reward system. I was skeptical, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a try.

I’ve always been a bit of a wild one. I love nothing more than a good drink and a smoke, and I could barely function without my morning cup of coffee. But as I approached my 40th birthday, I started to feel like something was missing. I wasn’t as happy as I used to be, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was stuck in a rut.

I set a goal for myself: 30 days of no alcohol, no cigarettes, no coffee, no phones, no television, no sex, no masturbation, and no going to the toilet for pleasure. It was going to be a real challenge, but I was determined to see it through.

The first few days of the dopamine fast were absolute torture! I was practically climbing the walls with irritation and boredom. Every little thing set me off and all I could think about was the things I had given up. But I refused to let those cravings get the best of me. I gritted my teeth and powered through, telling myself that this suffering was all for the greater good. Or at least, that’s what I kept telling myself to get through it.

Dopamine Fast: No Alcohol, No Cigarettes

Giving up cigarettes and alcohol for a whole month on this 30 day dopamine fast is a monumental task. It’s like trying to fly a plane without any fuel – you just start to sputter and die. The first few days are rough, with withdrawal symptoms that would make even the hardiest of drinkers cry. But as the days go on, something strange starts to happen. Suddenly, I’m feeling more alert and awake. My skin starts to clear up and my breath doesn’t smell like an ashtray. It’s almost like I’m a new man. But then again, maybe it’s just the lack of alcohol talking. Either way, I’m sticking with this sobriety thing for the month. Now pass me a bottle of water, I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be a long flight.

Dopamine Levels: No Coffee, No phone, No Television

As a pilot, let me tell you, restricting myself to having no coffee, no phone, and no television has been a real challenge. But the biggest surprise of all has been the sudden reappearance of my old friend, the imaginary monkey.

You see, I haven’t seen hide nor hair of that little guy in since I started my 30 day dopamine fast. But as soon as I cut out the caffeine and the screens, he came bouncing back into my life like he never left. At first, I was a little wary of having him around. After all, he can be a bit of a handful at times. But as it turns out, having an imaginary monkey as a companion has its perks. He’s always up for a good game of hide and seek, and he never complains about my terrible singing. In fact, he’s starting to become a bit of a fixture in my life. Who knew that giving up coffee and screens could lead to such unexpected friendships?

Dopamine Fast: No Sex, No Masturbation

I’ve found that abstaining from sex and fast masturbation can be a real buzzkill. Suddenly, all those long flights start to feel like an eternity and the only thing I can think about is finding a friendly stewardess to help me reach new heights. My sex drive was getting out of control. But alas, I’ve got to keep my hands to myself and my monkey grounded. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta fly the plane.

As the days went on, I started to notice some unexpected side effects. I was sleeping better than I had in years, and I had more energy during the day. It was also discovered that concentration was easier and mistakes were less likely to be made.

No Going To The Toilet For Pleasure

Let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like the rush of relief that comes from a good bathroom break. But when you stop going to the toilet for pleasure, things can get a little… backed up, shall we say. Suddenly, all those long flights start to feel like a marathon and the only thing I can think about is finding a quiet corner to take care of business. It’s a tough balancing act, trying to fly a plane and hold it in at the same time. But hey, at least I’m saving a few trees by not using all that toilet paper.

I was thrilled with these results, and I was even more excited when I started to feel more joyful and content. It was like I had finally broken out of the rut I had been stuck in, and I was starting to see the world in a whole new light.

But the best part came on the last day of the dopamine detox, when I was finally able to enjoy a cold beer again. It tasted better than I remembered, and I savored every last drop. Also, the prospect of being able to spank the monkey again had me practically bouncing off the walls with anticipation!

I knew that I couldn’t stay on the dopamine fast long term, but I also knew that it had been a valuable experience. I have made a promise to myself to incorporate some of the lessons I had learned into my daily routine, and I have vowed to be more mindful of the things that brought me pleasure.