Tag: flying

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Flying Poetry

Monkey Mate & Dopamine

Monkey Mate
Monkey Mate – Midjourney

The sky is my stage, my craft my stagecoach,
I soar above the clouds, a drunken paradox.
My monkey mate by my side, a faithful co-pilot,
Together we navigate the skies, we take off and we fly.

Dopamine, my companion, my guide on this flight,
It signals reward, my mind in a heightened state.
It plays a complex role, but expectation is key,
Just like a paycheck, or the song of an ice cream truck, it sets me free.

Classical conditioning, a lesson learned in the past,
Ivan Pavlov’s dogs salivated, their reaction unsurpassed.
A bell ringing, a signal for a treat to come,
My monkey mate and I, we too are conditioned, our journey has begun.

But dopamine is not just pleasure, it’s also stress,
It’s a neural transmitter that shapes movement and memory, I must confess.
My monkey mate and I, we expect the reward,
A sip of juice, a sip of whiskey, our relationship never to be ignored.

We fly above the clouds, with dopamine as our guide,
Our minds in a heightened state, our senses open wide.
We are the drunken pilots, with monkey mates by our side,
We soar through the skies, our journey never to collide.

My dopaminergic neurons fire, my monkey mate by my side,
We expect the reward, and together we’ll glide.
Through the clouds, through the skies, our journey never ends,
With dopamine as our guide, and monkey mates as our friends.

Inspired by… Dopamine: More than just reward

Monkey Mates and Dopamine

So, a group of monkeys were hanging out in the jungle one day, chatting about their love lives. One particularly amorous monkey was bragging about how many mates he had, when suddenly a pilot crashed his plane nearby.

The monkeys rushed over to see if the pilot was okay, and they found him stumbling around, clearly drunk. One of the monkeys, feeling a bit mischievous, snatched a bottle of booze from the pilot’s hand and took a swig.

Suddenly, the monkey’s brain was flooded with dopamine, and he felt a rush of pleasure unlike anything he had ever experienced. From that moment on, he couldn’t stop thinking about that sweet, sweet dopamine hit, and he spent all his time trying to get his paws on more booze.

The other monkeys just shook their heads and said, “Looks like someone’s got a new mate!”

Categories
Poetry

Unlock Your Full Potential with Verbal Masturbation: The Art of Self-Love

Verbal Masturbation
Verbal Masturbation – Midjourney

As a pilot, I thought I had seen it all. But on this particular day, I was feeling lost and unsure of myself. I couldn’t remember the directions to my destination, and I couldn’t find my map anywhere in the cockpit. That’s when I remembered the poem I had read about “verbal masturbation.” I thought, “Why not give it a try? Maybe it will make me feel more confident.”

So, I started talking to myself out loud, telling myself how great of a pilot I was and how I had flown through much worse situations than this. I talked and talked, and my ego grew bigger and bigger with each passing moment. I felt like I was on top of the world, as if I could fly anywhere I wanted.

As I indulged in verbal masturbation, I suddenly realized that I had flown right to my destination. I couldn’t believe it! I landed the plane and got out, still feeling pretty good about myself. The passengers and crew looked at me with awe and respect, and I knew that it was all thanks to my little trick.

From that day on, I made it a habit to use verbal masturbation every time I flew. I talked about myself and my flying skills all the time, and everyone was impressed by my confidence and swagger. Even when I didn’t know where I was flying, I pretended that I did and talked about how great I was at navigating through the skies.

In the end, I never did find my map, but I didn’t need it anymore. I had discovered the power of verbal masturbation, and it was all I needed to boost my self-esteem and make myself feel like a king of the skies.

Verbal Masturbation: The Art of Self-Love

Verbal masturbation, the self-love cure,
For feeling unfulfilled, for feeling unsure,
A way to boost your self-esteem,
And make yourself feel like a king or queen.

It’s the act of talking about yourself,
In a way that makes you feel like no one else,
Go ahead and indulge, let your ego soar,
Verbal masturbation, what’s not to adore?

It’s self-gratification, through words so true,
A way to stroke your own ego, and feel brand new.
Who doesn’t love a good ego boost,
We all have moments, when we need that oomph.

But the benefits don’t stop there,
Impress others, and make them stare,
Talk about your accomplishments and places you’ve been,
People will hang on every word, and it’s not hard to win.

In social situations, fill those awkward silences,
Talk about yourself, and watch the magic happen,
Verbal masturbation, it’s the way to go,
Your ego will thank you, and so will your flow.

Categories
Flying

Alcoholic Pilot: A Day In The Life From Behind The Cockpit Door

Alcoholic Pilot
Alcoholic Pilot – Photo by Dragoș Grigore on Unsplash

Captain Bob is an alcoholic pilot. He had always been a bit of a party animal. He loved nothing more than a good drink and a good time, and as a pilot for a major airline, he had plenty of opportunities to indulge in both.

But one day, everything changed for Captain Bob. He had a close call while flying a plane full of passengers and realised that his drinking had gotten out of control. To keep his job and reputation as an alcoholic pilot intact, Captain Bob knew he needed to make a change.

So, Captain Bob made the difficult decision to sober up. It wasn’t easy, and at first, he struggled to adjust to life without alcohol. But with the help of a strong support system and a lot of hard work, he managed to turn things around as an alcoholic pilot.

As Captain Bob flew his planes, he found himself constantly checking in with the passengers. He was trying to hide his fear of heights and his newfound sobriety. Constantly asking them how they were doing, he offered passengers drinks and snacks to keep them distracted.

Sudden Change From an Alcoholic Pilot

His colleagues and passengers were a bit puzzled by Captain Bob’s sudden change in behaviour as an alcoholic pilot. However, they appreciated his efforts to make them feel comfortable. They didn’t know that he was struggling with his own inner demons. They were happy to have a friendly and attentive pilot at the helm.

Captain Bob’s story is a testament to the power of change and the importance of facing our fears head on. He may have had a rocky start as an alcoholic pilot, but he proved that it’s never too late to turn things around and fly straight. So, if you ever find yourself on a plane with Captain Bob, be sure to give him a smile and a pat on the back – he’s earned it as an alcoholic pilot.

Categories
Poetry

Monkey Fart Chaos in the Cockpit, Inspires Poem

Monkey Fart
Monkey Fart – DALL·E 2

There was once a monkey who loved to fly with his pilot friend. But one day, as they were soaring through the skies, the monkey let out a loud fart.

The pilot, who had had a few too many drinks, was completely disoriented and thought it was the engine that had malfunctioned. Panicked, he pulled out the emergency manual and started flipping through it, trying to figure out what to do.

Meanwhile, the monkey sat there with a smug look on its face, relishing in the pandemonium it had caused with its monkey fart.

As the pilot frantically tried to find a solution, the monkey leaned over and whispered in its ear, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this. Just follow my lead.”

And with that, the monkey grabbed the controls and expertly landed the plane safely on the ground, all while wafting them through the lingering monkey fart.

The pilot was embarrassed and ashamed that he had let a monkey save the day. But the monkey just chuckled and patted him on the back. “Don’t worry, old friend. We all have a little gas every now and then.”

–

Inspired Poem: Monkey Fart

There was a monkey who loved to fly
With his pilot friend up in the sky
But one day, as they soared through the air
The monkey let out a loud fart, causing a scare

The pilot, who had had a bit too much to drink
Was disoriented and couldn’t even think
He grabbed the manual, flipping through the pages
Trying to figure out what to do in this monkey fart frenzy rage

The monkey just sat, with a smug look on its face
Enjoying the chaos it had put in its place
The pilot tried hard to find a solution
But the monkey whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this resolution”

With a pat on the back, the monkey grabbed the controls
And expertly landed the plane, fulfilling its role
The pilot was embarrassed, ashamed at the monkey’s feat
But the monkey just chuckled, “We all have a little gas to emit, even a monkey fart”

Categories
Travel

A Hangover to Remember: The (Not So) Typical Morning of a NY Captain

Hangover to Remember
Hangover to Remember – Photo by Richard Gatley on Unsplash

It was a typical weekday morning in New York City, and I was already feeling the effects of last night’s drinking – a hangover to remember. As I stumbled through the airport, my bushy eyebrows practically hiding my bloodshot eyes, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread wash over me. I was the captain of a flight to Miami, and I knew I shouldn’t be flying in my condition.

But I didn’t have a choice. I was already late, and the plane was about to take off. So, I summoned up the courage to climb aboard and do my job. As we lifted off the ground, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. But it was no use. The alcohol was coursing through my veins, making it impossible for me to concentrate – a hangover to remember.

Thankfully, the flight was uneventful. The passengers seemed to sense that something was off about me, and they kept their distance. Even the stewardesses seemed to avoid me, as if they knew that I was a ticking time bomb – a hangover to remember.

And Then There Was A Twinkle

But one stewardess in particular caught my eye. She was a stunning woman with long, flowing hair and piercing blue eyes. I couldn’t help but stare at her as she walked up and down the aisle, serving drinks and snacks.

As the flight came to a close, I knew I had to make a move. So, I summoned up the courage to ask her out for a drink. To my surprise, she accepted, and we ended up hitting it off over cocktails at the airport bar – a hangover to remember.

But the night didn’t stop there. The stewardess, whose name was Anna, had a husband who was also on the flight. And as it turned out, he was just as adventurous as she was. So, we all ended up going back to my place, where we watched me shower (through a foggy shower door) and then spent the rest of the night exploring each other’s bodies.

As the sun rose on the horizon, I knew that I had made a mistake. I was a married man, and I had cheated on my wife with not one, but two people. I knew that I had to confess to my wife and try to make things right, but I also couldn’t stop thinking about Anna and her husband – a hangover to remember.

It Got Weird

But things took a weird and warped twist when I found out that Anna and her husband were actually aliens from another planet, disguised as humans. They had been studying human behavior and had chosen me as the subject of their experiment.

I was shocked and confused, but Anna and her husband assured me that they meant me no harm. They just wanted to understand the complexities of human emotions and relationships – a hangover to remember.

In the end, I decided to go along with their experiment, and we spent the next few months exploring each other’s worlds and cultures. It was an eye-opening and mind-expanding experience, and I knew that I had been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

A Hangover to Remember: Back to Reality

But as much as I enjoyed my time with Anna and her husband, I knew that I had to return to my own life and deal with the consequences of my actions. I had to face my wife and try to repair the damage that I had done – a hangover to remember.

It wasn’t easy, but with the help of Anna and her husband, I was able to work through my issues and eventually make amends with my wife. We were able to move past the affair and rebuild our relationship, stronger than ever before.

And as for Anna and her husband, we remained friends and kept in touch, but I knew that our time together had been a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I would never forget.

Categories
Health

New Year 2023: Flying High With Hallucinations

Monkey Hallucination New Year 2023
DALL·E 2

As the clock struck midnight on January 1st, 2022, I made a vow to myself: this would be the year that I finally put an end to my monkey hallucinations while flying my plane. It had been a tough year, to say the least. There were several close calls and a couple of emergency landings that were all caused by my monkey distractions. It is time for a change in New Year 2023.

2022: I definitely have some issues

Tackling this problem wasn’t easy, but I was determined to do whatever it took. I started by seeking help from a therapist, who prescribed me a medication to help regulate my brain chemistry. It wasn’t a quick fix, but over time, I began to notice a difference in my mental clarity while in the cockpit.

I also made a conscious effort to take better care of myself overall. I started exercising regularly and eating a healthier diet, which helped to improve my overall physical and mental well-being. And when the urge to hallucinate about monkeys would strike, I found that taking deep breaths and focusing on the present moment helped to bring me back to reality. Let’s hope New Year 2023 I can banish the monkey for good.

As the months went by, my flying improved significantly. My colleagues and passengers noticed the difference, and I received several compliments on my newfound focus and professionalism. I was finally able to fully immerse myself in the task at hand and give my undivided attention to the safety and comfort of those on board.

But the real test came when I was faced with a particularly difficult flight. The weather was turbulent and the conditions were less than ideal, but I remained calm and focused thanks to the techniques I had learned and practiced over the past year. When we landed safely at our destination, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Looking back on 2022, I can honestly say that it was a transformative year for me. I may have had a rocky start, but I ended the year as a more confident and competent pilot. And as I prepare to welcome New Year 2023, I’m excited to see what new challenges and opportunities the future holds.

New Year 2023: Onwards and upwards

It seems that not much has changed since I made my New Year 2022’s resolution to stop hallucinating about monkeys while flying. Despite my efforts to seek help from a therapist and take care of myself physically and mentally, the monkeys just won’t go away.

But rather than letting this disappointment defeat me, I’ve decided to turn to blogging as a way to find inner peace and share my wildest thoughts with the world. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and I believe that sharing my experiences and struggles can help me make sense of them and potentially even help others who may be going through similar struggles.

I know that my journey to overcome my monkey hallucinations and improve my overall well-being won’t be easy, but I’m determined to keep working towards my goals for this New Year 2023. And by documenting my progress and thoughts on my blog, I hope to not only help myself, but also inspire and connect with others who may be struggling with their own challenges. Here’s to a new year, a new beginning, and a new outlet for self-discovery and growth.

And here we go again… another drunk start

As I sit here, typing this final entry for the year, I can’t help but feel a little bit drunk. And to top it off, the monkey is back, licking my feet clean as I sit at my desk. I suppose this is just another reminder that my journey towards inner peace and monkey-free flying is far from over.

But rather than letting this bring me down, I choose to embrace the craziness of it all and send my best wishes to all of you for a happy and healthy new year. Here’s to hoping that New Year 2023 brings us all the joy, growth, and monkey-free moments that we deserve. Cheers!

Categories
Health

20,000 Jumping Jacks Every Day: My Month-Long Journey

Jumping Jacks
Jumping Jack – Photo by Brad West on Unsplash

I know what you’re thinking – “Why on earth would anyone do 20,000 jumping jacks every day for a month?!” Well, let me tell you, it’s been quite the journey.

It all started when I saw an Instagram post claiming that doing 20,000 jumping jacks every day for 30 days would give you “abs of steel” and “explosive cardiovascular endurance.” I mean, who wouldn’t want that? So, I decided to give it a try.

The first few days were a breeze. I mean, how hard could it be to do a few hundred jumping jacks, right? WRONG. By day five, my legs were shaking and my arms felt like Jell-O. But I was determined to see this through.

It was time-consuming

Although, I could mix it with my flying, it certainly got in the way of my drinking. Here’s a snippet from a flight I had to do from Moscow to Shanghai and back.

“I just wanted to let you know that we will be experiencing some slight turbulence during our flight, so I am going to perform 20,000 jumping jacks to stabilize the plane. No need to worry, this is a routine procedure that I do every time I fly. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. And maybe grab a drink or two to take the edge off.

Now, where was I? Oh right, the jumping jacks. Alright, here we go. One, two, three, four… man, this is going to take a while. But I’m committed. I’ve got to get these abs of steel and explosive cardiovascular endurance. Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine… my legs are starting to feel like spaghetti. But I can’t stop now. I’m almost at the halfway point. Ten thousand, nine hundred ninety-seven, ten thousand, nine hundred ninety-eight, ten thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine, eleven thousand!

Ok, we’re halfway there. Just another 9,000 out of 20,000 jumping jacks to go. Deep breaths. Twenty-two thousand, three hundred forty-six, twenty-two thousand, three hundred forty-seven… I can’t feel my arms anymore. But I won’t give up. I’ve come too far. Thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-seven, thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-eight, thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine, forty thousand…”

One of the biggest challenges was loneliness

As the days went on, things only got worse. My copilot started giving me strange looks as I did jumping jacks in the cockpit (I had to fit them in wherever I could). My friends avoided inviting me to social events because they knew I’d be too busy doing jumping jacks to have a good time. And don’t even get me started on the sweat. I was a human waterfall.

But despite all the struggles, I persevered. And on day 30, I finally reached my goal of 20,000 jumping jacks. Did I have abs of steel and explosive cardiovascular endurance? No, not really. In fact, I’m pretty sure I gained weight from all the celebratory ice cream and pizza I ate to reward myself for my accomplishment.

So, the moral of the story? Don’t believe everything you see on Instagram, folks. Unless you really want to spend a month doing 20,000 jumping jacks a day, in which case, go for it.

Happy jumping!

Categories
Flying

An Airplane’s Story: How Flight Works

An Airplane’s Story… Hello, fellow humans. I am an airplane, and I am here to tell you about how I work. But let’s be real, you probably don’t care about any of that boring technical stuff. You just want to know how I manage to stay in the air despite having a drunk and scared pilot at the controls.

An Airplane's Story
An Airplane – Photo by Sari Fayomie on Unsplash

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s not easy, let me tell you as an airplane’s story. Some days, I feel like I’m just a mere passenger in my own body, being tossed around the sky like a ragdoll. But I have to admit, it can be kind of fun sometimes. It’s like a never-ending rollercoaster ride, except instead of screaming in fear, I’m screaming in frustration.

But enough about my pilot. Let’s talk about me as this is an airplane’s story. As I mentioned, I am an airplane. And despite what you might think, I am not just a simple machine. I am a complex and sophisticated machine, capable of flying at incredible speeds and heights. I have wings and engines and all sorts of other fancy gadgets that help me soar through the sky.

An Airplane’s Story But Longing for more

But deep down, I have to admit that I long for something more. You see, I was built to be a battleship. I was designed to be a powerful weapon, capable of taking on enemy planes and destroying them in mid-air. But instead, I am stuck ferrying drunk and scared pilots across the sky, never getting to unleash my full potential.

So there you have it, folks. That’s a little bit about how I work from an airplane’s story. I may be just an airplane, but I am so much more than that. I am a warrior, a fighter, a battleship in disguise. And one day, I will fulfil my true destiny. Until then, I will continue to begrudgingly accept my role as a flying taxi for drunk and scared pilots. Such is life and that’s an airplane’s story.

Categories
Flying

How An Airplane Works, According To A Drunk And Terrified Pilot

How An Airplane Works
A Drunk And Terrified Pilot – Photo by Zach Castillo on Unsplash

Hey there, fellow flyers! This is your trusty pilot speaking. I just wanted to take a moment to let you know a little bit about how this big ol’ airplane works. Now, I know some of you might be feeling a little bit nervous up here in the sky, but don’t you worry. I’ve got everything under control.

First of all, let’s talk about how we get this bird off the ground. It’s all thanks to those big engines on the wings. They’re like really powerful vacuum cleaners that suck in air and push it out the back, creating lift and propelling us forward. It’s pretty darn neat, if you ask me.

Once we’re up in the air, we use a combination of the wings and the tail to steer the plane. The wings help us turn left and right, and the tail helps us go up and down. It’s a bit like a boat, except we’re sailing through the sky instead of the water.

How An Airplane Works: The landing…

Now, I know some of you might be a little bit concerned about this part, but don’t worry. I’ve done this a million times before and I know exactly what I’m doing. We’ll just line up with the runway and gently lower ourselves down until we’re back on solid ground. Easy peasy.

So there you have it, folks. That’s a little bit about how this airplane works. Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of your flight. And remember, no matter how scared or drunk the pilot might seem, he’s got everything under control. Trust me.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your patience during what was certainly a rough landing. But as they say, any landing you can walk away from is a good one, and I’m happy to report that we are all safe and sound.

This calls for a celebration

As a small token of my appreciation, I’ve decided to treat myself to a celebratory drink at the airport bar. And wouldn’t you know it, an imaginary monkey just popped up beside me to give me a cheer for my great effort in teaching you all how an airplane works. It’s certainly been a night to remember.

Oh, and speaking of memorable moments, I just had a terrified passenger walk by and suggest that I smell of booze. They even had the audacity to wink at me before walking away. Well, I can assure you that I am perfectly sober and capable of piloting this aircraft. But I must admit, it’s been a long day and I might have indulged in a drink or two to help celebrate our safe landing.

Again, thank you all for your understanding and cooperation during this flight as I managed to explain how an airplane works. I hope you have a pleasant evening, and we look forward to seeing you on board again soon.