As a pilot, I thought I had seen it all. But on this particular day, I was feeling lost and unsure of myself. I couldn’t remember the directions to my destination, and I couldn’t find my map anywhere in the cockpit. That’s when I remembered the poem I had read about “verbal masturbation.” I thought, “Why not give it a try? Maybe it will make me feel more confident.”
So, I started talking to myself out loud, telling myself how great of a pilot I was and how I had flown through much worse situations than this. I talked and talked, and my ego grew bigger and bigger with each passing moment. I felt like I was on top of the world, as if I could fly anywhere I wanted.
As I indulged in verbal masturbation, I suddenly realized that I had flown right to my destination. I couldn’t believe it! I landed the plane and got out, still feeling pretty good about myself. The passengers and crew looked at me with awe and respect, and I knew that it was all thanks to my little trick.
From that day on, I made it a habit to use verbal masturbation every time I flew. I talked about myself and my flying skills all the time, and everyone was impressed by my confidence and swagger. Even when I didn’t know where I was flying, I pretended that I did and talked about how great I was at navigating through the skies.
In the end, I never did find my map, but I didn’t need it anymore. I had discovered the power of verbal masturbation, and it was all I needed to boost my self-esteem and make myself feel like a king of the skies.
Verbal Masturbation: The Art of Self-Love
Verbal masturbation, the self-love cure,
For feeling unfulfilled, for feeling unsure,
A way to boost your self-esteem,
And make yourself feel like a king or queen.
It’s the act of talking about yourself,
In a way that makes you feel like no one else,
Go ahead and indulge, let your ego soar,
Verbal masturbation, what’s not to adore?
It’s self-gratification, through words so true,
A way to stroke your own ego, and feel brand new.
Who doesn’t love a good ego boost,
We all have moments, when we need that oomph.
But the benefits don’t stop there,
Impress others, and make them stare,
Talk about your accomplishments and places you’ve been,
People will hang on every word, and it’s not hard to win.
In social situations, fill those awkward silences,
Talk about yourself, and watch the magic happen,
Verbal masturbation, it’s the way to go,
Your ego will thank you, and so will your flow.