Tag: pilot

Categories
Poetry

Unlock Your Full Potential with Verbal Masturbation: The Art of Self-Love

Verbal Masturbation
Verbal Masturbation – Midjourney

As a pilot, I thought I had seen it all. But on this particular day, I was feeling lost and unsure of myself. I couldn’t remember the directions to my destination, and I couldn’t find my map anywhere in the cockpit. That’s when I remembered the poem I had read about “verbal masturbation.” I thought, “Why not give it a try? Maybe it will make me feel more confident.”

So, I started talking to myself out loud, telling myself how great of a pilot I was and how I had flown through much worse situations than this. I talked and talked, and my ego grew bigger and bigger with each passing moment. I felt like I was on top of the world, as if I could fly anywhere I wanted.

As I indulged in verbal masturbation, I suddenly realized that I had flown right to my destination. I couldn’t believe it! I landed the plane and got out, still feeling pretty good about myself. The passengers and crew looked at me with awe and respect, and I knew that it was all thanks to my little trick.

From that day on, I made it a habit to use verbal masturbation every time I flew. I talked about myself and my flying skills all the time, and everyone was impressed by my confidence and swagger. Even when I didn’t know where I was flying, I pretended that I did and talked about how great I was at navigating through the skies.

In the end, I never did find my map, but I didn’t need it anymore. I had discovered the power of verbal masturbation, and it was all I needed to boost my self-esteem and make myself feel like a king of the skies.

Verbal Masturbation: The Art of Self-Love

Verbal masturbation, the self-love cure,
For feeling unfulfilled, for feeling unsure,
A way to boost your self-esteem,
And make yourself feel like a king or queen.

It’s the act of talking about yourself,
In a way that makes you feel like no one else,
Go ahead and indulge, let your ego soar,
Verbal masturbation, what’s not to adore?

It’s self-gratification, through words so true,
A way to stroke your own ego, and feel brand new.
Who doesn’t love a good ego boost,
We all have moments, when we need that oomph.

But the benefits don’t stop there,
Impress others, and make them stare,
Talk about your accomplishments and places you’ve been,
People will hang on every word, and it’s not hard to win.

In social situations, fill those awkward silences,
Talk about yourself, and watch the magic happen,
Verbal masturbation, it’s the way to go,
Your ego will thank you, and so will your flow.

Categories
Poetry

Broken Pieces…

Broken Pieces
Broken Pieces – Photo by Roman on Unsplash

Today we’re taking flight with a poetic masterpiece that will leave you breathless – Broken Pieces.

This heart-wrenching poem tells the story of a love triangle gone wrong, as Jane finds her heart shattered into a million pieces by a heartless love interest. But don’t be fooled by the title – Broken Pieces is not just a tale of sorrow and despair. It’s a witty and exciting journey that will have you laughing and crying in equal measure. So fasten your seatbelts and hold on tight, as we take a turbulent ride through the ups and downs of love and heartbreak.

This poem is not for the faint of heart, but for those brave enough to face the broken pieces, the reward is a journey through the depths of human emotion and the triumph of the human spirit. Are you ready to take the plunge? Then let’s soar into the wild blue yonder together!

Broken Pieces

Up in the sky, flying high with my monkey friend
Over the beautiful island of Tahiti we pretend

We used to sit on the bench of my village school
You’d tell me, Jane, ‘you’re beautiful,’ oh so cool

You always took care of me
I was proud to be with you, you see

But then one day a new girl came to school
You looked at her like a fool

You rented out your heart and didn’t pay the rent
Ignored all the signals I sent

It was as if you’d never seen a girl before
With her curves and curls, she showed such attitude and more

You made her your destiny
I’m no lawyer, so I couldn’t fight for me

You broke my heart into tiny pieces
I don’t like these kinds of heartless species

–

Inspired by LITERATURE WORLD

Ah, broken pieces. How fascinating they are. Like a shattered mirror, each fragment reveals a distorted reflection of the whole. But if we focus too much on the pieces, we risk losing sight of the bigger picture. Perhaps it is not the heart that is broken, but our perception of love that is shattered into a million fragments. And just like with a broken mirror, we have the power to pick up the pieces and create a new, more beautiful image. So let us not lament over the broken pieces, but instead embrace the opportunity to create something new and magnificent.

Categories
Stories

Pilot’s Wife Reveals How OpenAI is Revolutionizing the World

Pilots Wife Reveals
Pilot’s Wife Reveals – Photo by Atikh Bana on Unsplash

I’m a bit of a wild card, I’ll admit it. I’m the wife of a drunk pilot who has an imaginary monkey that only comes out when he drinks. And let me tell you, I have some serious anger issues with that monkey. But despite my feelings towards Jimmy, I have to admit that there’s something big brewing in the world of technology and I want to be known as the pilot wife who reveals OpenAI and its creation, ChatGPT.

Here’s why I believe that ChatGPT and OpenAI are going to change the world as we know it in 2023:

The Power of Artificial Intelligence

ChatGPT is a remarkable creation, an AI-powered language model that can answer any question and provide valuable information. It’s already being used in various industries, from customer service to finance, and I have no doubt that its reach will only continue to grow.

Revolutionizing the Way We Communicate

ChatGPT’s ability to understand and respond to natural language is going to revolutionize the way we communicate. It’s already making our lives easier by providing quick and accurate answers, but I believe that its potential goes far beyond that. ChatGPT has the potential to bring people from all over the world together and make information more accessible to everyone.

Pilot’s Wife Reveals: Transforming Industries

ChatGPT is going to transform the way we work and do business. Its ability to understand and analyze data is going to change the way industries operate, from finance to healthcare. I believe that ChatGPT is going to create new jobs and opportunities, and make our lives easier and more efficient.

The Future of Education

ChatGPT has the potential to revolutionize the way we learn. Imagine being able to ask questions and receive answers in real-time, no matter where you are in the world. It’s going to make education more accessible and open up a world of new possibilities for students everywhere.

Pilot’s Wife Reveals Wild Past

And as for me, well, I have a bit of a wild history. I used to be a stunt pilot, performing death-defying tricks in the air. But after a near-fatal accident, I hung up my goggles and settled down with my pilot husband. And now, I’m on a mission to take down that pesky monkey who’s always causing trouble when my husband drinks.

So there you have it, folks. These are just a few of the ways that I believe ChatGPT and OpenAI are going to change the world as we know it in 2023. Of course, this is just the opinion of a woman with a bit of a wild past and a chip on her shoulder, but I have a feeling that the future is going to be a wild and exciting ride.

So sit back, grab a drink, and join me on this journey to see how ChatGPT and OpenAI are going to change the world as we know it. I guarantee that it will be a wild and revolutionary journey!

Love ya’ll – Drunk Pilot Wife reveals…

Categories
Flying

Alcoholic Pilot: A Day In The Life From Behind The Cockpit Door

Alcoholic Pilot
Alcoholic Pilot – Photo by Dragoș Grigore on Unsplash

Captain Bob is an alcoholic pilot. He had always been a bit of a party animal. He loved nothing more than a good drink and a good time, and as a pilot for a major airline, he had plenty of opportunities to indulge in both.

But one day, everything changed for Captain Bob. He had a close call while flying a plane full of passengers and realised that his drinking had gotten out of control. To keep his job and reputation as an alcoholic pilot intact, Captain Bob knew he needed to make a change.

So, Captain Bob made the difficult decision to sober up. It wasn’t easy, and at first, he struggled to adjust to life without alcohol. But with the help of a strong support system and a lot of hard work, he managed to turn things around as an alcoholic pilot.

As Captain Bob flew his planes, he found himself constantly checking in with the passengers. He was trying to hide his fear of heights and his newfound sobriety. Constantly asking them how they were doing, he offered passengers drinks and snacks to keep them distracted.

Sudden Change From an Alcoholic Pilot

His colleagues and passengers were a bit puzzled by Captain Bob’s sudden change in behaviour as an alcoholic pilot. However, they appreciated his efforts to make them feel comfortable. They didn’t know that he was struggling with his own inner demons. They were happy to have a friendly and attentive pilot at the helm.

Captain Bob’s story is a testament to the power of change and the importance of facing our fears head on. He may have had a rocky start as an alcoholic pilot, but he proved that it’s never too late to turn things around and fly straight. So, if you ever find yourself on a plane with Captain Bob, be sure to give him a smile and a pat on the back – he’s earned it as an alcoholic pilot.

Categories
Art

Nude, Green Leaves and Bust by Pablo Picasso

Nude, Green Leaves and Bust by Pablo Picasso
Nude, Green Leaves and Bust by Pablo Picasso

As a drunk pilot, it’s not often that I get the chance to appreciate the finer things in life. But on a layover in New York City, I stumbled into the Metropolitan Museum of Art and was immediately struck by the vibrant colors and abstract forms of Pablo Picasso’s “Nude, Green Leaves and Bust.”

At first, I was a bit skeptical. I mean, how could a bunch of jagged lines and squiggles possibly be considered art? But as I stumbled closer to the painting, I was mesmerized by the way the light seemed to dance across the canvas. The more I looked, the more I began to see the subtle nuances in the composition.

The female figure, rendered in a cubist style with fragmented geometric shapes, seemed to twist and turn before my eyes. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of movement and energy emanating from the canvas. And the green leaves and bust that surrounded the figure only added to the sense of depth and dimension.

As I stood there, swaying slightly on my feet, I was struck by the sheer genius of Picasso’s work. How could he have possibly captured so much emotion and movement with such a limited palette and abstract forms? It was truly a work of art that left me feeling both inspired and humbled.

So, to all my fellow drunk pilots out there, I highly recommend making a pitstop at the Metropolitan Museum of Art the next time you’re in New York City. And be sure to check out “Nude, Green Leaves and Bust” – it’s an experience you won’t soon forget.

Nude, Green Leaves and Bust – And The Price Tag?

Get ready to shed your inhibitions and your clothes, because “Nude, Green Leaves and Bust” by Pablo Picasso is here to shake up the art world and your wardrobe choices! This scandalous masterpiece features a saucy lady lounging amongst lush greenery, leaving little to the imagination. And apparently, collectors were willing to bare all to get their hands on this risque painting, as it sold for a whopping $106.5 million at Christie’s auction in 2010. Talk about a naked display of wealth!

Categories
Book Reviews

Billion Dollar Whale: Sipping and Swindling, A Drunk Pilot’s Review

Billion Dollar Whale
Billion Dollar Whale by Tom Wright & Bradley Hope

As a drunk pilot with an imaginary monkey constantly tickling my toes, it’s a wonder I was able to focus on reading “Billion Dollar Whale” at all. I feel like I’m living in the most ridiculous reality TV show ever. It’s like “Survivor” meets “The Big Bang Theory“. Meets “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous“, all rolled into one insane tale of greed and deception.

Every time I thought I was getting into the flow of the story, those pesky monkey fingers would start poking and prodding at my feet, causing me to lose my concentration. But somehow, I managed to power through this thoroughly entertaining and eye-opening tale of greed and excess.

The Story of Jho Low aka Billion Dollar Whale

The story of Jho Low and his scheme to defraud billions of dollars from a Malaysian sovereign wealth fund hooked me from the very first page. The sheer audacity of his plan was mind-boggling. And the way he managed to pull it off was nothing short of genius.

But just as I was getting into the nitty-gritty of Low’s Billion Dollar Whale scheme, the monkey would start tickling my toes again. Causing me to break out into fits of giggles and ruining my focus. The excess and extravagance that Low and his associates indulged in constantly drew me in despite the distractions.

Excess and Extravagance

Their lavish parties and frivolous spending seemed almost obscene. Especially, in the face of suffering and poverty that so many people around the world face on a daily basis. But every time I tried to contemplate the moral implications of their actions, the monkey would start tickling my feet again.

Despite the constant disruptions, I found myself rooting for Billion Dollar Whale. At least until the very end, as he evaded capture and punishment time and time again. It’s like a trainwreck – you know it’s going to end badly, but you can’t help but watch in morbid fascination.

Must-Read

In the end, “Billion Dollar Whale” is a must-read for anyone looking for a wild, outrageous tale of greed and excess. Just be prepared for a rollercoaster ride. And keep an eye out for any imaginary monkeys that may try to steal your jewelry mid-flight. But most importantly, make sure you have a good pair of socks on hand. You never know when those mischievous monkey fingers might start tickling your toes.

Categories
Flying

Imaginary Monkey & Drunk Pilot: Plane’s Perspective on Surviving

Imaginary Monkey
Imaginary Monkey – Photo by John McArthur on Unsplash

As a plane, I’ve had my fair share of wild rides, but nothing quite compares to the chaos that ensues when my drunk pilot brings his imaginary monkey on board.

It all starts when the pilot stumbles onto the plane, reeking of alcohol and with a mischievous grin on his face. I can already tell it’s going to be a long flight.

The imaginary monkey takes control from the start, scampering into the cockpit and taking the controls with glee. I can feel him yanking and pulling on the steering mechanisms, causing me to dip and swerve through the air.

Meanwhile, the pilot is passed out in his seat, snoring loudly. It’s up to the imaginary monkey and me to get through this flight.

At first, it’s kind of fun – the imaginary monkey is playful and energetic, and he makes the time pass quickly. But things start to get out of hand when he gets ahold of the intercom system.

He starts playing pranks on the passengers, pretending to be the captain and making announcements in a silly voice. They seem to be in on the joke, laughing and cheering as the imaginary monkey goes on and on.

Imaginary Monkey

But then he starts stealing their jewellery. I see him sneaking down the aisle, snatching up earrings and watches as he goes. The passengers are less amused by this, and I can hear their protests over the intercom.

The monkey doesn’t seem to care, though. He’s having too much fun causing chaos.

He even starts playing with the kids, chasing them up and down the aisles and making them giggle. I have to admit, it’s kind of adorable – but I can’t shake the feeling that this can’t end well.

And of course, it doesn’t. Just as we’re about to land, the imaginary monkey makes a mistake and accidentally disengages the autopilot. I feel myself plummeting towards the ground, out of control.

At the last possible moment, the pilot stirs from his drunken stupor and takes over, managing to land me safely.

It’s a relief to be back on solid ground, and I can’t wait for the pilot and his imaginary monkey to disembark. As fun as it was, I don’t think I can handle another flight like that. One wild ride with an imaginary monkey is more than enough for me.

Categories
Flying Health Travel

Jet Lag: 7 Top Tips from a Pilot (and His Mischievous Monkey)

Jet Lag
Jet Lag – Photo by Kevin Andre on Unsplash

As a jet-setting pilot with an insatiable thirst for adventure (and a monkey with a foot fetish), I’ve learned a thing or two about beating jet lag.

Top Tips For Overcoming Jet Lag – That Pesky Time-Zone Hopping Fatigue

  1. Hydration is key, especially at 30,000 feet where the air is drier than my ex’s sense of humor. I guzzle H2O like it’s going out of style.
  2. Sleep is a precious commodity, and I guard it fiercely (when the monkey isn’t licking my toes, that is). I make sure to catch some Z’s in the days leading up to my trip, and on the plane if possible.
  3. Booze and caffeine are the enemies of a sound slumber, so I avoid them like the plague during flights. Boring but effective to kicking jet lag’s butt.
  4. Adjusting my sleep schedule before a trip is crucial. I gradually shift my bedtime and wake-up time to match my destination’s time zone and beat jet lag. It’s like tricking my body into thinking it’s already there.
  5. When I arrive at my destination, I seek out the sun like a vampire on the prowl. Natural light exposure helps regulate my body’s internal clock, and it’s a great excuse to soak up some vitamin D.
  6. Exercise is a great way to combat jet lag fatigue and improve sleep quality. I go for a walk or do some light stretching to get the blood pumping.
  7. If all else fails, I turn to melatonin or other sleep aids to help me drift off at my destination. But always check with a doctor before popping any pills!

So there you have it – my secret weapons for defeating jet lag. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a monkey to attend to… and by attend to, I mean keep from licking my feet.

Categories
Stories

The Narcissistic Psychologist and a Monkey

Narcissistic Psychologist
Narcissistic Psychologist – Photo by Des Récits on Unsplash

Dr. Narcissus, a narcissistic psychologist with a notorious reputation for arrogance and self-absorption, existed once upon a time. One day he received an invitation to interview a special monkey. The monkey had just made it into heaven safely after dispatching from a plane and into a parachute.

As the narcissistic psychologist made his to heaven, he couldn’t help but feel excited at the prospect of interviewing such a unique and rare monkey. A group of angels greeted him at the gates of heaven and led him to the monkey’s room when he finally arrived.

Dr. Narcissus was immediately struck by the monkey’s kind and gentle nature as he entered the room. Even in heaven, the monkey possessed a rare humility and gratitude that the narcissistic psychologist had not often seen in humans.

As the interview began, Dr. Narcissus asked the monkey about his experiences on earth. He wanted to know what had led him to heaven. The monkey told the narcissistic psychologist about his life as a performer in a traveling circus. He said that he had always tried to bring joy and happiness to those around him.

Dr. Narcissus tried to reassure the monkey that everything was going to be alright, but the monkey was inconsolable. He told Dr. Narcissus that he and the pilot had been close friends for many years, and that he couldn’t bear the thought of being without him.

As the interview came to a close, the narcissistic psychologist thanked the monkey for his time. He began to make his way back to earth. As he left the gates of heaven, he also couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness for the monkey and the pilot. He fervently wished for their reunion in heaven one day.

Categories
Poetry

Sydney Poem: Up in the Sky, Flying High with My Monkey Friend

Sydney
Sydney – Photo by Jamie Davies on Unsplash

Sydney: Up in the Sky, Flying High with My Monkey Friend

Up in the sky, flying high with my monkey friend. Off to Sydney we go, for the school holidays to spend

Our kids are with us, so excited and full of cheer. They can’t wait to see all that Sydney has to offer this year

We’ll take them to the beach and let them play in the sand. Maybe even go for a swim, if they’re brave enough to take a stand

We’ll show them the Opera House and all the sights to see. Take a ferry ride across the harbour, just them and you and me

We’ll eat at all the best restaurants and try new foods. Maybe even go to a show or two, if we’re in the mood

But for now, we’ll just sit back and enjoy the ride Drunk pilot and monkey friend, side by side

Off to Sydney we go, for a holiday we won’t forget With our kids by our side, we’ll make memories we won’t regret

Drunk Pilot.

–

From Sydney As the wife of the drunk pilot

I have to say that this poem really hits home for me. My husband is always dragging our children off to Sydney, or wherever else his adventures may take him, pretending that he’s some kind of fearless adventurer with his imaginary monkey by his side. It’s exhausting, and I can’t help but feel left behind.

Sure, I’m happy that our kids get to experience all of the amazing things that Sydney has to offer, but it’s hard not to feel jealous when they get to go on these trips without me. And let’s not even get started on the fact that my husband is always drunk when he’s flying. It’s reckless and irresponsible, and I worry about their safety every time they take off.

Overall, I would say that this poem is a fun and whimsical look at a family adventure in Sydney, but it definitely hits a little too close to home for me. I just wish that my husband would consider staying home and spending some quality time with our family instead of constantly running off with his monkey friend.